It’s been seven years since I discovered the world about BDSM as a writer. I really have to thank Joey Hill, whose exquisite love story The Ice Queen/Mirror of My Soul captured my imagination, my interest and my heart. I began to do research, because I believe if you are going to write about something you need to know what it is you’re describing. Especially if it’s someone’s lifestyle.

One of the first things I realized was that a D/s relationship is perhaps the only one founded completely on trust. Without that, it simply does  not work for either person. I also learned the meaning of respect for your partner and the importance of communication.

I have been fortunate enough to meet more and more people in the life as I’ve continued to do my research, people who have had a great influence on my writing. Perhaps two of the most important people I’ve met are Master N and Master Shack. Master N is one of the owners of a public dungeon in San Antonio, The Lair. Master Shack owns the Alamo Training Academy, where you can learn all the aspects of the lifestyle. Who even knew there was such a thing!).

Recently, for our Wild Wicked Weekend which I host with five erotic romance author friends, I was able to arrange a trip to The Lair for some of our WWW attendees and the experience was memorable, exceptional and rewarding. Master N, Master Shack and the others who came to perform for us, treated us as if we were royalty. They had recruited members to perform for us and permitted those in our group who wanted to play to have the opportunity.

Three words describe the entire experience‑safe, informative, respectful. We could not have asked for a better reception or for people to be more welcoming. Everything from the presentations to the demonstrations was carefully couched to give us the most enjoyable and I formative experience. To let us know as authors as much as possible about the lifestyle we choose to base our stories around.

I personally learned the specific technique for both the single tail whip and the flogger, especially for the procedure known as Florentine flogging. I learned how to administer pain and how to accept it, and how it arouses the body. I learned how to watch a sub for signals and how subs present themselves to their Masters. No question was out of bounds.

For those in our group who are in the life, arrangements were made for them to enjoy playtime at The Lair. Those who asked to experiment for the first time were treated courteously and appropriately.

As we discussed the event afterwards, we were all in agreement that we learned far more than we expected. That we have a more realistic understanding of what we put into our stories. That it was one of the most enriching experiences we’d ever had.

But the highlight of the evening was the collaring ceremony, where Master N collared his longtime sub. We were so honored that they chose to share it with us and I know from discussions that it will show up in a lot of stories in the coming months. I know for myself I can approach the books I right with a great deal more knowledge and the ability to create these complex relationships. And to hope I honor everyone with my words.

So if you are in the San Antonio, Texas area and want to learn about the lifestyle, or live it and want a place to play you can’t do any better than The Lair. Thank you, Master N and Master Shack, for being the outstanding individuals you are and for sharing your community with us. I hope those of us fortunate enough to participate in this experience can honor you properly with our work.

And a note for your calendar. We’ll be hosting the Wild Wicked Weekend again in February 2015, with another trip to The Lair included. Watch for the dates.